Friday, February 20, 2009

REPOSTED - 5:10:20 from 08.08.08 to 09.08.08

I was digging Arief pictures for some art work yesterday n found most adorable picture of him when he was one day old..i could not remember how was me fighting for him to be in this world..But, luckily, I wrote some notes everyday during my pregnancy until the delivery day…but, sadly, it was on the other webpage blog..so, I have been thinking that i should reposted the story again..atleast I can share the moment with all of u…


5:10:20 from 08.08.08 to 09.08.08

It has been a while that I’ve not update my own blog. Though 08.08.08 was my last working day, it was not supposed to be my first day for my maternal leaves..God has his own plan. No one can guess or know what had been planned for us..only him know the reason and we as “khalifah” just hoping, strive, tawakal and redha to what has been given to us…

08.08.08 – 5:10:20 began
As what we did before the date of 08.08.08, we was still repeating our daily routine…We prepared ourselves to start another torturing day at the office..(and today, Beijing Olympic has started! We definitely has a plan to watch the opening..) So that day, we woke up early to catch up with time, since my hubby has to do his regular job on sending me to the office..But, it was a very different feeling that day, as I opened my eyes..my heart pounded, my stomach ached, my back was very pain, my body shake like a jelly..Its was killing me!! I started to feel that I was going to vomit..( Usually those was sign for my ‘period’ every month!) I guess I’ve started to experience a very mild contraction. It was an early sign for Braxton Hicks ( I read bout Braxton Hicks wrote by Marriam Stopped suggested by k.anna my ex-office mate) so much thoughts and ‘q’ mark was spinning in my head.. But, for some reasons, I had to go to the office..Lots of things to be settled out before I cleaning up my desk for my maternal leaves..

11.00 a.m at the office, the pain was still continuing,it was the pain that can not be described and it was really unexplainable… Plus, I was shocked by few drops of blood when I was in the loo… My intuition was telling me that the Day had come! (And…yeah..do you know what was people in titanic ship felt when the ship is going to sink?..yeah!! PANIC!!! Gosh!) I have to tell kak pah and kak nora( since they’ve helps me a lot in providing advices during my pregnancy) They’ve asked me to refer to the hospital.. Since the pain was never stop, I called hubby to pick me up.. I can’t even walk coz the pain again was killing me.. I felt like I wanted to moan or even scream to release the pain that I felt!


12.30 p.m Putrajaya Hospital
Soon as my hubby arrived at the lobby at my office, he seems so panic but he was very good in hiding the face.. I know how he felt toward what happened. He turned to speechless.. All he knew was to drive as fast as he can to reach the hospital..
“ LA ILA HA ILLA ANTA SUBHANAKA INNI KUNTU MINAZZOLIMIN “
My lips was never stop saying the doa..
Soon, as we arrived at the Hospital, there were so many people waited outside.. relatives I guess.. Since it was 08.08.08, the favorites date by others to deliver a baby..and wards was full.. Seriously, I’ve never choose today’s date to admit in hospital, coz I still pray to God that I should deliver my baby ontime (20.08.2008)..hehe cool!..But, I have to accept that my baby wanted to be out atleast tomorrow to see the Beijing Olympic..hehe
I have to wait outside the lobby with my hubby because there were no empty ward for me.. I could not imagine either today or tomorrow will be my date…Am I ready to experience the great pain??? After examined by doctors and nurses, the contraction show 5:10:20..which was, I felt the contraction in every 20 minutes..
It was a great news to Abah, Mama, Kak ann and Mira..Also Ummi, Ayah, adik-adik, kak ti and Abg Lim… Those people are very important person in my life..The people who contribute to my happiness.. Here, all I have was my full supporter – hubby.. I can not forget his smile, confused and happy face as he will be father so soon… I will keep the smile because the smile made me feel happy and energized with it…
At last, 6.00 p.m , I've been placed in labour ward 2, bed 16…Beautiful and comfortable place..enough to release my pain and tense.. That night, I have to sleep alone. Hubby was not allow to accompany me..All I wish was to see everybody faces..hubby, abah, mama, kak ann, mira…But, they can’t manage to be here..it was so unplanned and they had to involve in a big preparation for my sister’s reception day…I tried to sleep but the pain was jolting me awake at the peach of contractions..imagine I had to face it all alone..it was hurt!! So much hurt!! It was killing me!!, The contraction was lastly 60 sec and coming every 4-5 minutes.. in every 2-3 hours, nurses will come and took the baby heart beat and do some vaginal examine. Quite embarrassing tho!..While waitedand felt the unexplainable pain, I've decided to walk around my bed and stood up as much as i can..i was slowly moaning to every contractions I felt…GOD.. I wish hubby stood beside me to hold my hand…

7.00 a.m 090808 – The Day!!
In early 6.30 a.m, I have been called again to be examined. They again took the baby heart beat and do some vaginal check..
” Do you know how dilated you are?..u are 4 cm opened already”…I don’t really understood what was basically she tried to tell me…A few minutes later, my water broke, plus some blood was splashed over..They are now pushed me to the labour room..My heart pounding..and I realize it was the time..The pain had become great at this time..and again, I cry towards every contraction I felt.. I felt a bit tired because I was not sleep last night…the pain was never allow me to sleep..Doctor called my hubby to stand by with my baby’s bag..he now can be with me in the labour room…
Arrived at labour room, they told me my vaginal opened still 5 cm..and I have another 5 cm to wait..maybe, 1 cm is equal to one hour..Gosh.. I hope they were wrong.. I really hoped that this to finish as early as I can…As my hubby stood and gave me his full supports, I feel a lot better to see his face smiling and it seeing him smiling also released my pain..Now the contraction came in every 2-3 minutes, 1-2 minutes… I really can not bear the pain…and I saw nurses and doctors was preparing me and themselves..
9.45 a.m..I was stuck in my bed feeling the unexplainable pain..i really want to tell hubby how much pain I felt..but, I just do not know how to tell…there were no words could described those pain…my hand was still holding his arm..i think I squished him a lot that time..
"i will make it this time…i hoped..I was really feel dishearten, I was try hard not to cry coz it will lessen my energy…but, I really want to do it this time"…I was in stronger pain..3-4 doctors and nurses surround me..(At one point, I hate to see nurses and doctors around me, even they are nice enough, but I can’t stand anymore!)..and lastly, I remember, Dr Jamil came for the last examine and now, its about 9 cm opened!…Gosh!i’m getting exhausted..and now, the pain was powerfull…It was the time I have to push!!
And I remember telling the doctors ‘ Doctor!!tolong, I rasa mcm nak berak sangat2 dah ni…tolong saya!!!
‘ A ah..dah nampak kepala dia encik…’ the doctor shout at my hubby…Doctor ask hubby to support my back and my head must lean forward while pushing the baby out…
It was the time now..the pain is getting more power and I have to push out..and I just learn how to breath, and how to push my baby few hours ago..i personally did not attend any class for maternity before…’ God..all I have is you…if I’m gone, die me in peace and as syahid..amiin…’ that were my last pray before the last push..

The urge was tremendously, so forceful.. I felt like a big wave pushing out.. I have to go with it.. I finally, thought that I have done something for the baby to be born.. I pushing him out.. I can feel the baby’s head..yes! I can feel it in every push…It was amazing! It was really happening and…” Allahu Akbar” I can not bear to scream!! Here we go…and the baby is out…clock show at 10. a.m..i can’t believe it..i’m estatic…it was a little boy cried loudly was came out from me…so unreal…I felt so well, he is so beautiful my little darling..The pain was release like nothing had really happened. It was all out with the baby.. I’m release now…I saw hubby face was so happy,,
“ kak, tgk ni, anak akak, lelaki, cukup sifat, akak tunggu sini, doctor nak jahit bawah tu, and kita nak pergi bersihkan baby yer….tahniah “

They positioned my baby next to me after been cleaned up, while they still sawing me…I can see his beautiful face, his eyes was blinking at me..and that was the first time I call him after he was born..Hubby was taking him for azan…good for him..

It was 090808, a day after 080808 and no more 5:10:20 feeling.. It was a few hours after delivering my own baby, my own zuriat.. I was positioned back in ward 2, bed 16 with my most gorgeous, handsome baby. It was hard to believe it..but it had happened well.. Just the way I wanted it to be… I love him to pieces very much…I love my hubby for standing beside me all the time in my life.. I felt happy and what a wonderful, unforgettable and most incredible feeling.. I would wax out lyrically in my head about how wonderful everything was. The despite being exhausted, frustrated and /or in pain for most of the days…I would lie in my bed with the most beautifull baby and most wonderfull hubby.. Thanx darling for believing in me and supporting me in all weird…Honey!! Wow!!! We have a baby now!! Cheer up!!


Has been posted out on -September 6th, 2008 at 12:50 am

Thursday, February 19, 2009

090219- MY GUT FEELINGS..


I believe, My Gut Feeling is always a sign…I believe my gut feeling is always telling me the truth..

No wonder during the day of my photo shoot with one of local famous magazine was not gone so well..From the cloth that had been chosen for me, until the make up from their so called professional. My gut feeling was telling me that something was wrong…

No wonder during my photo shoot that day, I performed with a very blank face, no expression, uncomfortable with the suites, and movement was so mundane, mere extremely still and contorted. It was so unsurreal.. not like I always did on giving the best pose during the photo session. Definitely I always meets and draws in , in whatever model should be doing for modeling.. There again my gut feeling was telling me something had gone wrong…

REASON WHY? Yes!
I had been DISQUALIFIED without manners from the competition. And why? Because I liaising with the other trade and magazine..

Well..in the first place.. am I so stupid? Would I simply say yes to join the competition if the rules was clearly stated??? Like what I’ve always said..”theres no rule”

But, I realized that my gut feeling was always gave me a sign.. A sign that leads me to focus on what should I achieve befor my age of 30..i’ve never expected my career will be as this far.. I have earned myself as an architect! I should remember how lucky I am..Thanks God…and thank you myself on making me who I am…

P/S: Lesson: Life is full of surprise..to experience it by myself, sometime it is enough to believe in my own gut feeling….

Sorry on letting you down…..

Do comment
-rushdina-

090217-Hand Bag Is equal to Women’s Secrets





I’ve started to believe since I’ve realized it while I am cleaning up my own hand bag this morning..and I really wants to share my thoughts and theories with all girls…esp my office mate!!! Girls…should correct me if I’m wrong..hehe




HAND BAG is equal to WOMEN’s SECRETS

Hmm..should I append and offend the reasons? Does women’s handbag portray her clean secrets or dirty secrets?

1. Here..the first and foremost…: The looks of the hand bag.

A woman loves the look and they will feel good about themselves while carrying the handbag. especially the new ones… you can even tell how versatile she is and how’s good women in choosing “the Looks” .It is the image that she’ll portrays herself ..or..should I say it is the best way for men to know his women attitudes.. p/s: does not mention about the price yet!..haha…

2. Then “inside her hand bag” :

Should anyone appeal their secrets while you have a chance on digging inside their hand bag? (Hey…Its remind me to my favorite movie show – ‘How to loose a guy in 10 days – how’s eager men’s while digging women hand bag..heheh..)

Women will always think about other women’s hand bag..especially inside the bag..What product do they use for their skin care and make-ups, ….Whats the latest gadgets do women use…does she have latest fashion magazines in their bag?...

For me, how’s she organizing inside her bag does the matters.. I always have plenty of small bag inside my handbag.. When I go out I’ll take keys for the house, keys for the car, keys for my drawer in the office and a packet of mints.
Then,definitely my ‘anna sui’ wallet (I’ve never leave this at home, principally because it contains the single most important thing a man can have about his person and Or, presumably
all the receipts in there..hehe). Then comes my own bag for my handphone, my make up plus skin care inside my little ‘la prairie’ bag , my little tiny scratch book , artline 0.4 pens (in every color..hehe) and my compact camera….but, for my weekends… plus with my baby’s bottle, nappy tissue and diapers…hehe..imagine how usefull my hand bag is! But I genuinely don’t understand this need to carry everything you’ve ever owned around with you at all times.

3. I’ve read from one of the article, showing it’s said that on average women have up to 40 handbags each. WEIRDO!... What’s more, To find out why, I’ve looking at my self who reckons that I have bought more than 30 handbags before, (and end up with kept in my yellow box under my bed).. It was happened before my marriage life..hehe…
4. Well, apparently, I have something to do with my style. The idea that a handbag has something to do with style was backed up by a spokesman for Jimmy Choo, who said that if you have good shoes and a good bag you will look right. (well now I realized that it was rubbish!)

Well, guys… this was my simple thoughts towards hand bag is equal to women’s secret.. While the inside of a woman's bag is hypothetically personal and intimate, the outside is a commercial, selling one's place in the world. The handbag remains a desirable item, with must-have status.

Do comments!-rushdina-